I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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