Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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