Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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