nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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