dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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