I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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