thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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