Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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