things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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