Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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