I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize