But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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