I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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