I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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