This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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