I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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