she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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