I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
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