I wish life had little blips of pornography
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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