Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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