hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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