Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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