Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize