2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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