How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
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Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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