T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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