I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize