just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize