Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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