the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize