Are we in a gay sports bar?
I faked an abortion last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize