there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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