I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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