I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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