I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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