Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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