I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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