I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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