You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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