Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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