Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Randomize