Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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