he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize