so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize