True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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