I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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