Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize