Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A+ Viking dick
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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