i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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