I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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